{ togawp } – hollywood’s secret sauce

It should come as no surprise, due to my German heritage, but I LOVE David Hasselhoff. No one has ever nailed ‘cheesy’ quite as well as the former Michael Knight/Mitch Buchanon.

His latest brilliance comes in the form of a claim that his picture should be in the Berlin Museum. Hasselhoff told German magazine ‘TV Spielfilm’ that in 1989, the year the wall fell, he helped reunite the country by singing his song ‘Looking for Freedom’ among millions of German fans at the Brandenburg Gate in Berlin. Said Hasselhoff, “I find it a bit sad that there is no photo of me hanging on the walls in the Berlin Museum at Check-Point Charlie.”

We couldn’t agree with you more, David. You’ve got us Hooked on a Feeling.

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What a bummer it is that we aren’t getting the UK version of “I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here” on American TV. We’re missing out on gripping story lines, like whether or not Jordan’s FF boobs will make it out of the jungle intact.

After earlier fears over whether they might swell if she were bit by leeches, now comes concerns that her massive implants may be melting in the jungle heat. Concerned that her boobs were melting in the jungle heat, Jordan thoughtfully asked fellow show contestants Neil “Razor” Ruddock and Lord Brocket for their opinion, in the form of a hands-on examination. Even female contestant Jennie Bond got in on the breast exam act, and commented: “They are beautiful but a bit rubbery.”

Meanwhile, the U.S. version of “I’m a Celebrity” gave us Bruce Jenner, Melissa Rivers, and “Downtown” Julie Brown. What a snow job.

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Ohhhh my god, what in the hell were you thinking? According to TSG James Brown has been arrested again, and man does he look like sh*t, I mean he looks like a crack clown having a bad hair day. The supposed “Godfather of Soul” now an aging 70 yr old, was arrested by Aiken County cops and charged with domestic violence. The story is he allegedly pushed his wife to the floor during an argument at the couple’s South Carolina home. Let’s see your next move, unfortunately it won’t be in Vegas, but on Court TV.

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Okay everyone, this is actually not doctored or Photoshopped in any way, this is the way our beloved queen of mean appeared before the Beverly Hills Judge. Ya think she’s on drugs, naw, okay maybe a little, or a lot. The bottom line – Courtney Clean up your Fucking act, talk to Britney this week because the both of you look BEAT!

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In what must be a surprise to no one, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez’s magnum opus, Gigli dominated the Razzie Award nominations, the anti-Oscar award that annually honors the worst major motion pictures of the year.

Also bestowed with the hallowed Razzie nominations were Demi Moore, Cameron Diaz and Drew Barrymore (Charlie’s Angels), Mike Myers (Cat in the Hat), and Ashton Kutcher (for more colossally-awful movies–4–than I care to type).

See the full list of nominees here.

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After briefly examining this photo…

….we all agree–Britney, you need to go chill for a bit. 

You’re only what, 22 years old?  We know the media takes a serious toll (as does getting hammered and puking in bars regularly), but girl, you’ve aged 5 years in the past 1.  At this rate, you’re going to look like Angela Lansbury (the "Murder, She Wrote" years, not the semi-foxy Manchurian Candidate years) by the time you turn 23.

So consider this a formal invite to take some time off in the Caribbean at the ToGawp Spa. 

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When the National Enquirer is calling you out for making one of the worst movies ever, you know it’s time to bury your head in the sand (or bottle, or blow, depending on your vice of choice). The list is peppered with the usual suspects–Gigli, From Justin to Kelly, Halloween III, and of course, resting atop the list, the powerfully-awful Battlefield Earth. Yes, it was a terrible film, but at least it gave us Travolta’s make-up job to laugh at. (Not to mention his best attempt at Klingon dialects, which comes out sounding like he swallowed a badger).

See the full list of The National Enquirer’s The Top 10 Worst Movies Ever Made

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Everyone’s favorite ‘Friends’ are certainly going out with a bang. Two accused drug dealers – Ricardo Jacob, 46, and Wilman Martinez, 33 – were taken into custody on the Warner Bros. lot by Los Angeles police in front of the million-dollar cast members. Wire reports say that the two men are accused of selling cocaine and marijuana to various employees of the company.

Martinez and Jacob were caught after a to a two-month surveillance operation by officers. Sergeant William Barry of the L.A.P.D. said, “There are all sort of rumors that cast and crew of such shows as Friends and ER, as well as high-profile producers, were involved in this bust. However, I cannot confirm or name anyone that helped police with their enquiries and gave officers any leads that led to the arrests of these two suspects.”

But nevermind that–let’s start the wild speculation on which cast members were partaking in the goods.

Who, oh who, could it be? (Yes, we acknowledge that it could very well just be a cast member, or someone from another show on the WB lot, but where’s the fun in that?)

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I really wish this wasn’t real. But I assure you, it is.

It seems that San Mateo and San Jose have submitted competing pitches to bring the Laci Peterson case to their counties. At stake are more than 1,200 hotel room nights for legal teams throughout the three to six month trial — and that’s not counting restaurants. While it’s no doubt a boon to local tourism officials, I can’t help but feel nauseous watching these counties competing to have a major murder trial be moved to their courthouse.

And worse yet, to think that if either San Mateo or San Jose’s pitch goes thru, that there might be people celebrating the fact that this ghastly trial will be proceeding in their community.

Sorry for the bring-down, but I couldn’t help it. Now, where is a good old-fashioned sex tape story when I need one?

[from LA.comfidential and KPIX, via L.A. Observed]

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Amidst a flurry of free giveaways, perhaps Paris Hilton just got confused. Yeah, that must be it. I mean, she wouldn’t have just tried to take the loaner Mercedes-Benz G Wagon, would she? After all, look at her–she’s just a girl trying to have some fun.

Well Paris, we’re giving you the benefit of the doubt. After all, when you’re that rich, sometimes you just forget whether or not the car you’re driving is paid for.

[from The New York Post via Gawker]

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