{ togawp } – hollywood’s secret sauce

Ok, we hate to say I told you so, but….

(a) Have we not been saying “Britney’s on a rapid ascent downward” for weeks? (No, we didn’t mean it LITERALLY, but thanks to Brit for backing us up)

(b) Were we not just taking bets last week on when Britney would participate in a public sex show?

(c) Did we not encourage Britney’s handlers to keep her off the balcony?

Of course, just because we saw this coming, doesn’t mean we were prepared for it. Most of us here can’t help but feel like we’ve been rolling around in a Vegas ashtray for the past hour looking at these things. If you’ll excuse us, it’s going to take a week’s worth of biohazard showers to wash the layer of film off.

[from vividblurry via Fleshbot]

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According to E! Online Reports it looks like the Doomed Duo: Hilton and Carter, have finally thrown in the towel on their lame fame fling. We here at ToGawp all had high hopes this pair would somehow through the miracle of unprotected sex, concieve the least intelligent paparazzi demon spawn of all time. But ohh well, now that those aspirations are just a figment of imagination past; we now can focus on more interesting and upcoming Hilton films…like the new coming soon release titled "Two Nights in Paris w/ New Beau: Starring -insert record label producers name here." We predict that Heiress records will become the new avenue for Paris to pick up record industry sexual flings. So getty up ole’gal and don’t let us down by falling off your new horse Paris, the record industry isn’t "The Simple Life," if ya know what we mean. Paris Hiton – Samples from the full length tape.

(more…)

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What’s the over-under on the Britney public sex show?

Seriously folks, Britney seems hell-bent on setting new records for celebrity meltdown; it’s like it’s a heated race to the bottom, and Britney is afraid that the competition is catching on her, so she’s desperately searching for new lows.

The latest Britney episode finds her on a balcony yet again (Note to Britney’s handlers: has anything good ever come from this girl going out on the balcony?). This time, she’s grabbing a handful of Kevin’s well, his junk. Guess that since Britney paid for her own engagement ring, she felt entitled to full public crotchgrabbing rights.

[from The Superficial]

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In what must be a true Hollywood first, Kirsten Dunst has actually asked for her breasts to be made smaller.

But fans of the curvaceous Spider-gal shouldn’t worry–no surgeons will be going near Miss Dunst’s bubbies anytime soon; no, the breast reduction that Kirsten requested was actually in the new video game Spider-man 2. Upon seeing a preview copy, in which her Mary-Jane character had ‘gigantic’ breasts, Kirsten asked game-makers to ‘Tone down the boobs, please’.

[via Fleshbot]

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Can a 46-year old woman still be sexy?

Well, we know from experience (e.g. Kim Basinger, Sophia Loren) that it can be done; but as anyone who’s seen Sharon Stone lately probably suspects, she may not be the ideal woman for the job.

That’s why we here at ToGawp were so surprised to see this first photo from her recent Catwoman-promotional-interview-and-obligatory-skin photoshoot, for RollingStone (does this mean she couldn’t make the cut at Maxim or Stuff–where even Nicole Richie was welcomed?).

At first we were impressed, but then we looked at a recent press photo of Ms. Stone (see right), and remembered that black and white photos are WAY easier to retouch than color photos. Then we factored in the Basic Instinct 2 sequel that Sharon attempted at one point to sue producers into making, and which we now hear is going to be a reality. And we think about how much that movie will inevitably fail, unless Sharon can convince moviegoers she’s still sexy, and this RollingStone pictorial just starts to take on that sort of sad desperation that you rarely see outside the Neverland Ranch.

[from RollingStone via NEWS.com.au]

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Jessica Simpson, the star of MTV reality show "Newelyweds," just might be a genius, or so claims her Mother. In a recent Vanity Fair feature, Jessicas’ PR crazed Mom (Tina the Machina) declared ditzy daughter possesses a high IQ, ranging in the 160’s. Are you kidding? The girl had no idea where canned tuna came from, are we too believe Jessica can complete a standardized IQ test while remembering to put her name on it? Sorry Tina, we here at ToGawp just don’t believe it, find something else to salvage your brainless daughters MTV display of egocentricity, maybe next you can claim a PHD internet degree?
MSN Entertainment – News – Diaz Steamed and Steamy

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Looks like Mr. Farrell has managed to throw his image in the gutter once again. According to a recent interview in which Colin stated "I use bad language and I have casual sex and a few beers and all of a sudden I’m a bad boy. But I know I’m not. Hitler was a bad boy.”

Listen up Colin Farrell has spoken out about his label as the "bad boy" of Hollywood, but of all time? Does this Napoleonic complex ridden Irish trouble-maker really want to compare his “bad language, casual sex” and excessive beer drinking to one of the worlds War crimes? We don’t think so, next time Colin we’re recommending that you keep away from genocidal war criminal affiliations to boost your "bad boy" status. Cheers…

(more…)

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The first daughter Jenna Bush is HOT. I mean, Gore Daughter hot.

You can debate Bush and Clinton’s legacies all you want, but this much is certain–Jenna beats Chelsea, even after 10 (or 15) Midori Sours.

Jenna–you can rock our vote anytime, and Barbara if you’re feeling lonely or just plain neglected, look us up.

Our Friends at Mr.5 have made a very good point, and we concurr.
Read More on Laura and her Hottie ways @ Mr.5’s Grotto

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Troubled rock star Courtney Love was hospitalized in New York on Saturday after being carried from her home on a stretcher dressed only in a lace-trimmed camisole and a pair of handcuffs and shouting obscenities, the New York Post reported.

Rumor has it that the former “America’s Sweetheart” rocker miscarried after hearing that an arrest warrant was issued for her immediate arrest. With recent headlines including drug abuse and assult charges, Miss Love isn’t helping boost her album sales or popularity.

The ToGawp Staff would like to put out a warning to all of you LA gossip hounds. We are officially issuing a “Miss Love Self Destruction” notice and would like to let everyone know she’s “lost it.”

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We almost wish we didn’t see this. I mean, as if the fact she’s wearing the same thing she did 3 days ago weren’t bad enough, she’s still smoking away (let’s home she isn’t pregnant). And then, she pulls her head up from lighting the cigarette, and reveals skin that would make her dermatologist shriek.

Britney–this is hurting us almost as much as it’s hurting you. Fortunately for you the ToGawp Media Whore Restoration Squad is in Santa Monica today–we’re on the case, to get you back on your A-game. Just stay where you are, and whatever you do, don’t go outside anymore.

[complements of stereogum via blogging.la]

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