{ togawp } – hollywood’s secret sauce

All of the ToGawp staffers wanted to share some of our favorite MTV 2005 VMA "White Carpet" Award Photos, and include our ‘behind-the-scenes’ thoughts in captions. We sit here many nights dreaming of one-day handling the Mic at the live event like the VMA’s, but in the meantime we’ll settle for augmented photos, with our home-brew comments.

There aren’t too many words, so it should read easier than the USA Today…(Kincaid Index Score : 4.2)

The Ying Yang Twins: We feel they’ve been diagnosed as "Retarded Since Birth"; (Insiders say: They made their GD bird-call all night giving migraines to all network sound technicians)

Hillary "Miss Hottie" Duff: We cannot say enough good things about her fashion ensemble for this event – she looks spectacular; (Insiders say: Hillary worked out, and has been watching her diet, revealing the ‘true beauty’ within discuss it on the Hillary Board)

The Hilton Sisters (Heiresses): Both of the Hilton Sisters look beautiful, we wonder if Nikki is thinking her sister is a whore too?; (Insiders say: They both love each other immensely, but Nikki feels older Paris is a paparazzi hound)

Nick and Jessica Simpson-Lachey: They both look happy enough for Us Editorial junkies to leave their rocky Marriage alone in these captions, but one thought comes to mind -who died Nick? We’ll just see if fizzling career Nick be able to ride out his rough patch, while red hot Simpsons career flourishes.)

Usher: We have a four letter phrase for you Sir – WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED? (insiders say: Usher was rushed to get to the event and didn’t have the proper time to prepare and pick out his wardrobe, he’s very particular most times) LOL.

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Welcome to the first edition of the toGawp Hollywood Skinny Gang®.
This edition features the featherweights of Hollywood and their mad scramble to get into Bikini shape, and grab the Paparazzi attention.  Our editors like to nickname it the "Celebrity Eating Disorder watch," but we’re trying to portray a "classier" act than that…eh hemmm.

We’re announcing Lindsay Lohan, Nicole Richie, Jessica Simpson and Mary-Kate Olsen as our "Most Wanted" Celebs in this Summer 2005 edition. We figure (rouding math) combined they all weigh in at a whopping approximation of 375 pounds gross (94lbs on average each – LOL).

Jessica we estimated weighed in at the heaviest, after all she’s the talles (we gauged her in the 115lb range) with Mary-Kate being as the "runt" feather-weight of the group (barely tipping 85lbs-ish).

Poor Mary-Kate she looks like an insect with those sunglasses on, she needs to gain a few pounds to fill out her sheeks. MK needs a Fatburger in our opinion, not that cigarette.

Nicole Richie also has achieved a fast and furious weight loss regime, we believe she’s shed approx. 12+lbs through her "better diet portion control" methods. Hint- When you see your collar bones protruding = eat more, did someone say eating disorder(s)?

Drum-roll please, last but not least we wanted to strain the point that Lindsay Lohan looks really thin lately, the poor girl looks gd emaciated, not "fit" like her PR claims. We think our words say less than thes two side-by-side pictures – so here she is in her gaunt-Ethiopian Hollywood glory.

We must close with these three words of advice to all the stars that were glam enough to be picket to feature in our Summer 2005 Hollywood Skinny Gang Report,® "Please eat more" ladies. The men of the World want some meat to grab onto, so get some BBQ or a juicy burger – we promise we won’t mind.

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We have exclusive semi-nude photos from Heidi’s Arena Magazine Photo Spread (we guess it’s some UK mens rag). We would like to just officiall announce that Seal is one of the luckiest men alive, not only is he engaged to GQ’s Woman of the Year, but hes her childrens father as well. Way to go bro…

Click the Thumbnails for full size Photos!
 

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2.5 stars (**1/2)

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1 star (*)