{ togawp } – hollywood’s secret sauce

2.5 stars (** 1/2)

The first half is good, the second half is boring. The dophins are the best part, it’s all downhill from there.

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2 stars (**)

I’m not a Jimmy Fallon fan! I don’t mind him but I don’t think he’s a comic genius either. I enjoy aspects of his sense of humor but do not find him hilarious or anything. Same goes for you Drew, but this movie isn’t completely horrible. I’m also not a Red Sox fan, or a fan of baseball at all actually. I used to collect Atlanta Braves trading cards because that’s what you were supposed to do as a kid but then Garbage Pail Kids came out and I got into those instead and then I got really into music and the rest is history. Baseball is so goddamn boring, I don’t understand how it’s considered America’s favorite pasttime other than being an excuse to get drunk and yell at people, in which case ANYTHING can be considered America’s favorite pasttime. For me it’s drinking a box of wine and watching Top Model, for others it’s having a six pack and beating the shit out of a stranger, or doing tequila shots and fucking the shit out of a stranger…whatever. Basically what it boils down to is America’s favorite pasttime is getting drunk and actin’ a fool in some way or another. Actually that’s the entire WORLD’S favorite past time. If I remember correctly, I may have chuckled at a couple moments throughout the movie but that’s about it. This movie is best suited for Bostonian’s, or any typical American couple where the girl has to deal with her boyfriend’s obsession with a sports team. It’s actually an American remake of a British film by the same name, but different sport…soccer or “football” or “futball” if you want to be really specific. Why is the rest of the planet so obsessed with soccer anyway? The field is too damn big, it takes too damn long, you can’t tell who anybody is, and it seems so 4th grade and “soccer mom”-ish. We have basketball games that turn into fist fights. They have “futball” games that turn into riots and fires and all out carnage. But I can’t help but picture some stadium in England filled with grown men suckin’ on Capri-Suns and orange slices. If you’re “tail gating” out of a mini-van, wouldn’t that be called “hatch-backing”? I like the sound of that, who’s with me?

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3 stars (***)

How could I almost forget to review this movie? It was so weird that my brain has just been trying to figure it out for the past few weeks. The Ring was good. I liked that it was more about terror and bizarreness than just blood and slashing. There were some cheesey aspects as well but that’s to be expected. The Ring was my introduction into the world of the Japanese Slimey Girl Horror film genre, which should have it’s own section at Amoeba because almost every horror film from Japan finds a way to incorporate some slimey, hairy, creepy girl that crawls around on the floor or wall or ceiling or out of the tv. What is their deal that their culture is so terrified of some hippie girl crawling around and gurgling?! It’s scary for about 3 seconds and then it’s awkward and then it’s hilarious. If I were an 8 year old, I might be terrified but I’m 25 and it’s entirely overdone and stupid. Regardless, there is a scene in this movie, The Ring 2, which blew my mind. It’s not a particularly relevant or climactic scene but it is very memorable none the less.  All I have to say is elk…or deer… or whatever the fuck they are, it’s one of the most bizarre scenes in film I’d ever witnessed. The effects aren’t great but it is so zaney and it completely comes out of nowhere. I reccommend getting this on Netflix or borrowing it from a friend just to see this scene so I can talk to somebody else about it. I still don’t know it’s point within the context of the film but it’s
certainly the most entertaining part. Somebody comment on this…anybody? Elk? Deer? Can you at least explain it? I don’t understand it but It’s my favorite part.

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Hollywood has officially announced actors Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher were married Saturday, after a two-year-long dating relationship.

We guess the 15 year age gap wasn’t an issue afterall, and word is the two finally tied the knot and made thier life-long vows among 100 of their closest friends.

Moore, (42) and Kutcher, (27) could not be reached for comment (they don’t care about togawp staffers), but Us Weekly and People reported
on their websites that the couple were married at a "private location" in
Beverly Hills.

FUnny thing is, we knew it all along. If you recall last month the pair scoffed off rumors of their wedding by "laughing off marriage rumors".

We wonder if Willis said his trademark "Yippie Kay Yay Mother F**ker," to Kutcher when he gave his nuptials.

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Pamela Anderson is one sexy older Mamma – and if you’re wondering why we’re saying this just check out the latest Jane Magazine Spread that confirms "she still has her sex appeal!"

We wanted to give her special props for STILL making men(including us) drool while in her 40’s. Men, just think about it…how does a woman look this good while having 2 kids, 3+ Divorces, countless botched boob jobs, continual lip injections, two nose jobs?

In our opinion Plastic Surgery is a gift from God and we certainly think Pamela is a testament to having "Tho shalt urge women to go under the knife" added into the 10 commandments.

(more…)

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Hollywood is all about the break-ups lately not the unions, and one more marriage to add to the casualty list is former "Beverly Hills 90210" Geekette – Tori Spelling.

Their brief <1 yr romance is finished, her husband Charlie Shanian called it quits amid reports that she had had an affair with another
actor.

"I went into the marriage with the best intentions, hopes and dreams,"
Spelling told People of the collapse of her first marriage.

"I feel that I’ve really disappointed people. I’ve disappointed
everyone who came to my wedding. I’m disappointed in myself. I don’t
know exactly what happened and when things started to go wrong."

If any of our readers have photos of this mystery man please divulge his whereabouts, we want the exclusive. [Y!]

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Unfortunately, Tara Reid fans a 2nd blow has come to fruition this past week. Tara has sunk to new lows, forcing the "sexy" label on her ass, that no longer is even attractive.

Tara’s "Assets" haven’t been "up to par" since the flabby sightings in Taradise. I can say that we all were all hoping she would "work" on her figure before sporting bikini’s in Ibiza, and the Greek islands for her train wreck of a show. 

Tara, we all knew what would happen if you shared your "fat-ness" with the world, and now E! has canceled your falsely labeled "Sexy" ass.

Tara we have 2 words of Hollywood advice: "Stair Master"

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Hollywood actor Tom Sizemore is to release a series of his own home-made sex films.

The
‘Saving Private Ryan’ star, who filed for bankruptcy earlier this year,
is bringing out several tapes he made with nine different women, some
of which have already been leaked on to the internet, to try and raise
cash.

Porn industry sources claim the actor could make millions
from the illicit recordings due to the massive current interest in
celebrity sex tapes. Sizemore is the latest star to feature in a
home-made sex tape.

Paris Hilton famously
appeared in X-rated movie ‘One Night In Paris‘ after ex-boyfriend Rick
Soloman struck a deal with porn distributors to release the private
footage.

The hotel heiress initially tried to stop the release of the Tom Sizemore Exclusive Sex Video! tape, which features Paris performing oral sex and having full sex, but
dropped her legal action after agreeing to receive a percentage of the
profits.

(more…)

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Looks like Nicole Richie is trying to stay "skinny" with not one, but two non-fat morning lattes. We think she really needs her 3 squares a day, someone grab her a MRE or a Lean Cuisine because she looks like she’s gonna implode.

Funny part is, Nicole is so skinny she needs to wear a turtle neck in
the summer. To top it off, it was 80+ degrees outside when this photo was taken.

We think that a little meat on her bones would keep her warmer; DJ AM, buy her fine "ass a meal, before it totally disappears.
[popsugar][jjb]

(more…)

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Who on Earth is Tess Smith, and how in the hell did she not get arrested for wearing this torn Toga of a dress to the Emmys?

This get-up must be declared the "Worst of Show" for the 2005 Red Carpet Fashion Rundown.

Honestly, we must admire her brazillian bikini waxer, but other than that, this is an awful ensemble to go anywhere but the Romanesque bath-house.

To quote the Fuggers: "You look like an extra who wandered, drunk and clueless, off the set of a porno called Julius Pleaser: Eh tu, Bootay?"

LOL…

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