{ togawp } – hollywood’s secret sauce

Yeah, I chose to classify this movie as “Horror” instead of “Family” and if you see it you’ll agree with me and the board who rated is PG-13. I’m not going to say if it’s better or worse than the previous movies cuz they’re all different: the first one is all Christopher Columbus family holiday goodness, and the second one is all mysterious and has big monsters, and the third one is all about time travel and confusion, and this one is all about scary culty deathness. The whole movie is really dark and scary and the three main kids aren’t really friends anymore and just yell at eachother and argue and seem depressed. Hermione is barely even in the movie at all! My only technical problem was that the editing was awkward and made a lot of scenes confusing and made some of the performances look bad. It’s hard to explain but if you pay attention to that sort of thing you might notice it and how shitty it is. And even though they all have British accents and use a lot of made up words, it’s hard to tell what the hell they’re saying sometimes. But the Tri-Wizard Tournament is definitely cool, it just takes for fuckin ever to get to those scenes. I saw a weekday matinee in hopes of avoiding a large crowd, but the theater was full of 5 year olds and I thought they were gonna get annoying and restless during this marathon epic 2 and a half hour depression-fest, but I think they got scared shitless and kept frozen with fear for the whole thing! Hooray for me! Anyway, It’s definitely worth seeing and I hope Hogwart’s has a therapist or some kind of Prozac spell cuz this is definitely NOT a fun-filled magical family fantasy for the holidays. ps. Jarvis Cocker is in it. pps. I didn’t read the book so I don’t care what was left out of the movie but to all y’all who complain about that sorta thing, why don’t you try turning 734 pages into 154 minutes and we’ll see who’s version is better.

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Are we done with the whole superhero thing yet? I guess not, since Superman is coming out and Spiderman 3, and X-men 3 and so on and so forth. Well at least the characters in this movie are all new, which means there’s no pressure on them to live up to a comic book or whatever guy originally portrayed them. For example: Bruce Campbell plays a P.E. teacher who’s super power is yelling really loud, there’s some hippie girl who controls plant-life and a gothy fire guy and a stretchy guy and a fast guy and a melty guy and a girl who turns into a guinea pig or they’re strong or they can fly etc. It’s not half bad and has some good moments, none of which include 2 Kids In The Hall members (Dave Foley and the least attractive one.) Today’s youth won’t know who they are but if you were a fan of KITH, seeing their sad oldness now is awkward. Anyway, some kids get their powers when they hit puberty and go to this special school in the sky to become either heroes or sidekicks, depending on how good their power is. Kurt Russel and Kelly Preston are in it and there’s a villain and horrible modern covers of retro 80’s hit songs and It’s predictable fun for the whole family!

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Tom Cruise is crazy - we all know that now; but this recent purchase is really over the top (downright freaky in our opinions). So it’s true, nut job Tom Cruise bought Katie a personal Sonogram Machine!  It’s probably similar to these 4D Fetal Imaging systems from GE (we did a little research).

So is this his idea of giving Katie the "gift that keeps on giving". The best part is this toy has NOTHING to do with Katie, this is all about Toms obsession with himself and Scientology OCD control freak.

The 43-year-old actor
said the couple will "do their own sonograms", which show fetus
development with ultrasound waves.Well, we hope this doesn’t spell complications for them, we don’t think many people have done this in the past by giving themselves Sonograms daily.

Weird, just plain weird…

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Kelly Osbourne’snot a happy (slightly larger than you find in it’s natural habitat) bunny.

She’s accused Paris Hilton’s boyfriend, Greek billion-heir Stavros Niarchos, of ruining her 21st birthday party in Las Vegas.

Stavros
– not to be confused with the corpulent boss of EasyJet and other
tangerine-coloured companies – got a bit giddy at the bash last week,
and started throwing furniture ‘n’ things out of a non-ground floor
window.

‘Paris’s stupid boyfriend ruined my 21st birthday,’ said a miffed Kel.

‘It’s so unfair,’ she continued.

‘The manager tried to make me pay for it, but I was having none of it. I said no bloody way.

‘He has enough money – he’s a millionaire with too much spare cash.

‘He’s a rich kid and they don’t appreciate anything because they grew up with it all.

‘I find it really annoying,’ ranted Kelly who was born into extreme wealth.

And
has several homes at her disposal/got a record contract because of who
her parents are/remains portly despite having it all/because she has it
all.

Life’s a bitch. [nw]

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This movie was directed by some random Persian guy by the name of John S. Rad. He started this film in the late 70’s and wasn’t able to complete it until the mid 90’s…and it shows. It is almost completely incoherant and the music, composed by Mr. Rad himself, is a priceless soundtrack of pre-programmed 80’s Casio demo beats that in no way compliment or coincide with the fighting or sex scenes they are scored over. There are so many awesomely hilarious moments in this film that the audience was laughing from beginning to end with no regard to the fact that the director was sitting in the back of the theater. From what I could gather, it’s about some girl who continually encounters “Dangerous Men” who always try to rape her. This forces her to either stab them to death or threaten to slice their dicks off, Bobbit style. She begins to enjoy killing these would be rapists and then there’s these cops from the 90’s, hot on her trail, but then they’re trying to find some crime lord called “Black Pepper”. It doesn’t make any sense at all but it’s hilarious and if they ever decide to show it again, or release it on dvd, it is definately worth seeing.

VIEW THE TRAILER HERE!

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Holy shit you guys, this is the best R n’ B/ Soap Opera/ Musical creation ever. It’s 12 chapters of pure drippy sexy R. Kelly bliss. He sings every character in this overlapping octogon of infidelity. The graphics are shitty, the lyrics are hilarious, the acting is overdramatic and the whole thing is brilliant. I’ve been an R. Kelly fan for many years, but you don’t have to give two shits about him to enjoy the awesomeness of Trapped In The Closet. It gets more and more crazy and hilarious as it goes along and you will not be disappointed. If you have any kind of sense of humor at all, you must see this dvd which includes chapters 1 through 12. R. Kelly is known for pissing on teenage girls, and this Hip Hopera made me piss all over my room with laughter and joy.

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I guess this is just for the people who lived through it. Some rich bitch gets kidnapped in the bay area by some revolutionary group and they brain-wash her into becoming a part of their political extreme activist club and they all rob a bank and move to LA and get shot up and busted and it’s on the news and stuff. It’s pretty cool that they turn her against her family but Patty is so boring that you don’t really care about or empathize with her. She’s just like some 60’s stoner college girl who can’t think for herself so she believes whatever these Berkley acid heads tell her, and she puts on some shitty wig and calls herself Tania and robs a bank with a machine gun…big fuckin deal. They eventually kill most of these revolutionaries and catch Patty aka “Tania” and some others and all of a sudden she’s fine and dandy and going on vacation with her family. If you ask me, this is just an overdramatic rich girl version of teen rebellion which everyone goes through in some form or another. You know she was totally into it, and the attention and all that shit. If this sort of thing happened today, they would kidnap Paris Hilton and turn her into some Al Quaida terrorist with a sparkley baret and pink, bedazzled uzi.

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Martha
Stewart has been fired.

NBC has
elected not to renew the domestic diva’s version of The Apprentice for a second
season.
The
Apprentice: Martha Stewart has been putting up less than impressive ratings
since its Sept. 21 premiere, averaging j
ust 6.8 million viewers each week, per
Nielsen Media Research.

In an
effort to snare viewers not already hooked on ABC’s Lost, Stewart’s Apprentice
was moved last month from the 8 p.m. to the 9 p.m. slot on NBC’s Wednesday
night lineup, resulting in a slight ratings boost. However, the swap was
ultimately not enough to save the show. [e!]

(more…)

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The fruit-loop – name Peter Braunstein – is a former journalist turned
psycho who’s been obsessed with the 31-year-old supermodel for far too
long.

Branded the ‘fire fiend’ and a ‘sex sicko’ in the US,
Braunstein is currently on the run after subjecting a woman to a
13-hour assault after breaking into her flat and tying her up.

Alarm bells started hollering in 1992 after the deranged one published an article entitled, ‘Stalking Kate’.

‘There will never be a ‘next Kate’ for a simple reason: Kate is always the ‘next Kate’ he scribbled in said article.

‘That makes her every woman I’ve ever fallen hopelessly in love with.’

‘I tried to kick Kate cold turkey,’ he later admitted. [nw]

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LOS ANGELES – Actress Brooke Burns was hospitalized after diving
into her backyard pool and hitting her head, her agent said Monday.

Burns broke a bone in her neck and required “minor surgery,” said Paradigm spokeswoman Jennifer Glassman.

The
former “Baywatch” star and host of “Dog Eat Dog” has been hospitalized
since Friday, Glassman said. She is expected to be released Tuesday.

“There’s no permanent damage,” Glassman said. “She will begin work as scheduled in January.”

Burns will co-star with Rebecca Romijn in the new WB television series, “Pepper Dennis.” [ap]

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