{ togawp } – hollywood’s secret sauce

Britney’s flapping her gums about moving back to the yee-haw state of Louisiana.

So I wonder, in this populated town that has fewer folk than my high school, what kind of Deliverance type shenanigans can the Spears clan get themselves into?

Britney will be sure to win the hog caller contest, Kevin will knock-up the local DQ waitress just by looking at her and Sean P. will go coon huntin’ with Bo, Luke and Uncle Jessie.

It’s really sort of a reverse Beverly Hillbillies if you think about it. I took the liberties of creating their theme song:

(sung to The Beverly Hillbillies theme song)

Come and listen to a story about a girl named Brit
A successful pop star, always kept her body fit,
Then one day she was shootin a video,
And up from the projects come this skeezy male ho.

K-Fed that is, wigger, freeloader.

Well the first thing you know ol’ Brit’s knocked-up,
Her husband’s a loser and now she’s kinda stuck
Said Louisiany is the place we ought to be
So we can get some peace and avoid the paparazzi.

Backwoods, that is.
Coon huntin, Dairy Queens.

The Spears Hillbillies!

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It’s not that this article is that funny or…that interesting but I’m just happy to post pictures on my favorite Duff, Hils.

In a recent article Hilary Duff said she doesn’t have any patience for back stabbing friends.

She said: “They would lie to me and I’d keep catching them and finally I thought: ‘Why am I having these people around?’

“It’s hard to say: ‘OK, I don’t want to be your friend anymore. I’m kicking you out of my life’, but slowly, over time, I did it.”

She added: “I got to do a lot of soul searching and I feel like a happier person. It’s important to be able to be alone with yourself.”

I hope those backstabbers don’t include anyone I know because a little Hil juice really does brighten up my day. Hmmm, that could really be taken out of context. Ah, you know what I mean.

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I’m excited about Tranformers but I’m not sure if I’m excited about this trailer. Being a teaser, it means it shows you a whole lotta nuthin. And after seeing the Spider-Man 3 kick-ass trailer, this one is pretty meh.

Watch and cross your fingers that the next one will be a little more Decepticon fuck yo’ shit up badness.

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On a day at the beach Coco Arquette Cox decided to show off her mom’s…assets.

It’s not like I’ve spent any time thinking about Courtney’s Cox’s breasts…but who am I to look a gift horse in the mouth?

Personally, I think Coco was in cahoots with the photographer hiding behind the sand castle.

Can you blame Coco for getting a bit jealous over Sean P’s hooker Mama, Britney stealing the spotlight with her bare-it-all photo shoot for Bazaar magazine?

Coco just wants peeps to know her moms still got it going on! God bless you, little Coco!

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I freakin’ loved it! I caught the midnight showing at the Imax in 3-D, which was awesome. If you have the opportunity to see it that way take advantage of it.

Sure, we had to wait in line for a good hour for the sold out show but it was well worth it to hang with friends and check out those that showed up in cape and blue tights.

I really hope it thorougly kicks Brett Fatner’s X-Men in the ass! Bryan Singer directed a highly enjoyable film in comparison to Fatner trying to be the next McG of vapid drivel.

I liked Brandon Routh as the new Superman. I think he did a good job and pulled off a performance very much like the original Christopher Reeve. I think that Brandon would have made Christopher and Dana Reeve proud.

I would be willing to say that I liked it on par with Batman Begins. It had a good story, good character development, it was acted well and it went through the range of emotions rather than it being just some fluffy action piece.

Bryan Singer revisited elements of the first Superman film to introduce it to new audiences, while adding his own flair. The film had a lot of heart and would appeal to both men and women. Singer really delved into the Louis and Clark romance giving the picture layers.

I really felt that he delivered a solid superhero piece along with a strong film. Shiiit, I’d hire him.

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Britney gives Harper’s Bazaar an interview where she talks about life, her pregnancy, blah, blah, blah…boobies! I see, one, two…two of those milky teets. What more is needed to be knowned?

Oh yeah, her last name is Spears.

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I would normally disregard this is poppycock and balderdash, since I regard Jessica Biel as a goddess amongst us mere mortals. But considering the source I fear I cannot.

Two weeks ago at the Gap in Beverly Hills, Jessica Biel threw out all the patrons of the Gap in order that she may shop alone with her posse of peeps. This isn’t hear-say or rumor considering I know one of the teen girls she threw out on her ass. This such witness, says that she was miffed because they went their intending to buy stuff and Jessica had them thrown out.

She said they were minding their own business when they were asked to leave and escorted off the premises. They were not bothering Jessica nor did they even care that she was in the store.

These poor teens just wanted to frickin’ shop and Jess had them thrown out like she was J-Lo or something.

All I can say is that it is all too clear that Jess repressing her feelings for me…is just not workin’ out on the ol’ soul. It’s a pity really.

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Um, hi, what I want to know is why was it that I was having a lousy ass time at the Abbey while Erin Daniels and Kate Moennig were whooping it up a few blocks away at Normandy Room in LA?

I mean, holy stars and garters, I would have ditched the people I was with and trotted my ass down there if I’d only known.

Normally a day full of boobs and bitches would be considered a banner day for me…but not when I’m getting 40 yr-old tatas flashed in my face. I felt like I’d stumbled across geriatrics pride.

If only I’d known that hotness was right around the corner I would have had the common sense to text my friend and haul my ass over there. I’m sure it would have gone down something like this.

Riley: “Hey, Erin.”

Erin: “Hi, Riley. God you’re hot! Wanna make out?”

Or at least something along those lines. I can’t be for sure but it’s just a guess.

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Catch a first look at an Autobot CGI test on ifilm, ma bitches!

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Check out the first teaser trailer of the wall crawler in his new black suit along with a glimpse of the Sandman.

Nothing like Sony trying to promote their superhero franchise the same same day as you can catch the first showing of Superman. But hey, why not ride the tails of the red cape to promote what looks to be an awesome film!

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