8:00pm – quick-cut hospital montages make me motion sick.

8:01pm – what is going on here?  is trey dead?  I need answers dammit!

8:02pm – did Seth lose like 10 pounds since the accident happened?  And why does everyone have did everyone get a haircut?

8:03pm – ahhh…it was all a dream.  No one actually shot J.R.?

8:06pm – new font treatment for the credits.  that’s nice avant gardian type. yeah, i know–there’s girls in bikinis behind said fonts…it’s just, so standard-issue on this show, i can’t even feign interest anymore.

8:07pm – ahh, so trey is in a coma….the dramatic opportunities that will afford schwartz & co.

8:08pm – uh-oh, looks like ryan’s in trouble….the steely-eyed guy from the D.A.’s office really delivers the drama.

8:09pm – if jeri ryan stares any harder at kirsten, she may catch fire.

8:10pm – wow…just like that, kirsten is cured!

8:11pm – oooh, this D.A.’s assistant is tough.  O.C.’s  finest, no doubt.  i wonder if he worked that sheriff’s son/sexual assault case last year.

8:13pm – never forget — they love their crudites in The O.C.

8:15pm – how was that HBO On Demand product placement/promotion?  nothing like Julie Cooper as your pitchwoman.

8:16pm – UH-OH!  hand twitch from the guy in the coma.  we can only hope they re-enact steven seagal’s immortal coma wake-up scene from hard to kill.

8:17pm – they had him wake up ALREADY?  you could have milked that all season, schwartz!

8:20pm – seth and ryan find out trey woke up, blah blah blah

8:21pm – the first signs of budding romance between Kirsten and Jeri Ryan ??

8:22pm – sandy conveniently doesn’t burden kirsten with ANY of what’s going on…as the castle crumbles.  what a bad-ass.

8:24pm – julie wants her money….ask anna nicole smith…it’s never that easy.

8:27pm – let’s go play on dad’s boat!  south o.c. sailing adventure ahoy! 

(just a 75-foot, million-dollar yacht…no big whoop)

8:28pm – marissa: "i hear the reason that seth won’t take his shirt off at the beach  is a superfluous third nipple."  hipster groupies, feel free to confirm or deny.

(a last embrace before one of them goes to jail?)

8:29pm – what’s julie cooper(-nichol) up to?  that "razor’s edge" menacing music is just a touch forboding.

8:31pm – is julie really going to kill this kid?

8:32pm – will trey sell out his brother for $20k?  even in chino dollars, that ain’t much.

8:36pm – a very true point — how did becoming a werewolf make him a better basketball player?

8:37pm – from Teen Wolf to pressing charges?  what a bummer.

8:39pm – ok, now hear me out…what if they had ryan go on the run PERMANENTLY, and he started wandering from town to town solving people’s problems?  PERFECT spin-off….call the show Ryan, and make it like Highway to Heaven…only more like Highway to Chino.  he’d beat up punks and teach strangers how to be better people after stumbling on to all of their darkest secrets.

8:41pm – let the high-speed boat chase begin!

8:45pm – "I guess the jumpsuit still fits"

8:47pm – bikinis, candy striper outfits….what’s next, french nurses?  when did this become charlie’s angels?

8:49pm – marissa talks trey into doing the right thing…what a trooper.

8:52pm – "when there’s a scandal, no one cares about the details."  how is julie cooper not a publicist yet?

8:53pm – nice…little bloc party for the closing trey off-to-vegas scene.  good stuff.  you guys continue to bail yourself out with t.v.’s best soundtrack.

8:55pm – how was that menacing "rebecca demornay/hand that rocks the cradle" look-in by jeri ryan?  she is SO there to steal kirsten’s life/family…over/under on the brake-cutting incident is set at 3 episodes.

8:56pm – wondering where he went?  didn’t the bus say las vegas?  i don’t go greyhound normally, so i don’t know if that’s a hub…but follow the tracks or stop crying, Chino.

10.  Julie Cooper arrested for Caleb’s murder, meets up with Oliver Trask
in the Newport Beach city jail, promptly sleeps with him, attempts to talk him into helping her break out–all in an ode to Tango & Cash.

9.  Hayley returns to announce that she’s been working as the concierge
in a hotel on the North Shore of Hawaii, which Caleb secretly bought to
save the Newport group, brings her friend Shannon along, who promptly
sleeps with Trey.

8. Trey and Ryan have an all out brawl at Caleb’s funeral over the
Marissa incident, Summer rushes in from nowhere in her princess Vixen
outfit and kicks Trey off the cliff where that church is.

7. Tips for Avoiding a DUI: Hayley Nichol returns, and in a "One to
Grow On" moment, sits her big sister down to give her a talking to
about being responsible.

6. Julie stands trial for Caleb’s death, in a shot-for-shot
re-enactment of the Klaus Von Bulow case, complete with a cameo by Ron
Silver as Alan Dershowitz.

5. Not to be outdone by earlier (non-sweeps)
episodes….Schwartz endulges every male fan (and annoys most female
viewers) with a three-way between Marissa, Summer and Hayley.  Sorry, had to at least ask.

4. Teresa comes back to Newport to announce the father of her baby was
really Caleb Nichol; she and Marrissa fight to the death over Caleb’s
estate. 

3. A disguised Jimmy Cooper returns with Rebecca (Sandy’s ex) on his
arm.  They reveal to the Cohens that they’ve started their own resort
in extradition-free Bongolia….also, look for a return of Oliver
Trask, filling a Tattoo-like role on Jimmy Cooper’s new island spinoff
show.

2. Alex returns to announce that she is pregnant with Seth’s baby, show
ends with Seth driving away bound for Oxnard while Summer looks on
bawling.

1.  Great White plays the Bait Shop, and the entire Harbor water polo team
dies in the ensuing fire.  And naturally, Ryan gets blamed for the whole incident, putting him back in jail for the summer.

Ok you caught us, Lucas is actually going to be playing himself in the May 12th episode.   No word yet on whether or not he’ll use digital enhancements to generate a jowl-free look for his on-camera appearance, in which he provides mentoring and guidance to aspiring graphic novelist Seth Cohen. 

While Fox claims the appearance won’t be a simple promotional stop, Lucas’s Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith is hitting theaters less than 2 weeks after his O.C. cameo; so we’re sure there will be a wookie or two in there somewhere.

Can’t you just smell the synergy?

Seth Cohen to Heart George Lucas [Defamer]
George Lucas to Appear on ‘The O.C.’ [AP]

Alright, get your glasses ready….we give you the new rules of engagement for The O.C. Drinking Game, Season 2:

1.) New character introduction – 1 drink
Plenty of new characters will be joining the show in the first couple weeks….why bother to find out who they are?  Just take a drink and catch up with the densely-layered character development later.

2.) Marissa the Fish – 2 drinks
When last we saw Marissa, she was already swiftly making her way to the bottom of a bottle.  And judging by the previews, Season 2 has no intention of breaking her drinking stride.  So every time Marissa hits the bottle, drink.  If she happens to be drinking on a chaise lounge, go ahead and slam the rest of that drink.  (thanks, Jessica)

3.) Horseplay on the Pooldeck – 2 drinks
As we’ve mentioned, The O.C. is adding the old tried-and-true "hot poolboy" to spice things up in Season 2.  Naturally, plenty of sweat will be wiped from brows and shirts will be removed in slow-mo.  Any time the show indulges in a little poolboy man-flesh, take a couple swigs.

4.) Seth = Gilligan – 3 drinks
You have to figure some sort of Gilligan’s Island, 3-hour-tour reference is coming, right?  Assuming Josh Schwartz & Co. agree with us on this one, go ahead and take 1 drink for every hour of that famous boat tour upon any mention of Gilligan, the Skipper, or any other cast away.

5.) Mischa Barton gets trapped in a paper bag – finish your drink
It’s inevitable.  You will be watching the show, and find yourself overcome by a feeling to scream out "wow, Mischa Barton is a really terrible actress."  Whenever this all-too-understandable urge comes along, finish your drink and attempt to numb yourself to the B-grade acting skills.

UPDATES (11/19/04)
6.) Ryan gets wordy – 1 drink
Ever notice that Ryan rarely says more than a few words at a time?  So whenever Chino breaks that always-elusive 2-sentence barrier, let’s all make sure to take a drink, to salute his verbosity.  (Thanks, Christine C.)

7.) All ages clubs suck – 1 drink
We will soon be introduced to "The Bait Shop", Newport’s finest all ages club.  Only, we all know that all ages clubs, and their lack of alcohol, suck.  So every time a Mountain Dew or other non-alcoholic drink is served, take a drink in honor of all the drinks our O.C. friends won’t be having at The Bait Shop.

READER SUGGESTIONS (complements of Marc P.)
8.) Show’s Title mentioned – 1 drink
They must
have said ‘new era’ a dozen times, and conveniently it was the title of
last week’s episode. They also did the same with ‘The Way We Were’ a
few weeks back. Check your local listings for titles, then drink in
honor of the new heights in creativity.

9.) Jimmy Cooper is cocky – 1 drink
Jimmy Coop has done a total 180 from his ‘hesitant’ days….he’s a
regular old-school Newport frat dog all of a sudden. Thus, we must
toast the newfound spring in his step with a drink everytime Jimmy
displays his newfound egotism.

10.) New Slang – 1 drink
Whenever the cultural trendmakers over at The O.C.
drop some some hip new slang term on us, we ought to drink, to
celebrate our good fortunes (you know, having such access to such
socially-beneficial entertainment), one time for each occurance. (Example – "group hang")

11.) Trainspotting – Make some one else take a drink
Frightening as it may be, without question, The O.C.
is THE new breeding ground for hip music. They’ve managed to shame the
likes of MTV and RollingStone by actually finding success in
introducing new rock bands to the public (shocker). If you are cool
enough to be able to trainspot (call the song title and/or band name)
playing at any time, you can make someone else drink as a reward.

More soon to follow….in the meantime, if you have rules of your own, send them to tips@thechron.net.

DISCLAIMER: The O.C. Drinking Game is for entertainment purposes only.  So don’t go drinking yourself sick just b/c some stupid website told you to.

8:06pm — So we’re wasting no time before getting into Marissa’s drinking problem, I take it.  We’ll have to figure out exactly what a "Newport Beach Iced Tea" is.

8:10pm — "You’re either hopped up on blow, or something is seriously wrong."

8:11pm — Sounds like Caleb and Julie are trying to closely emulate their Fox sister "Arrested Development"….ponies on the company card….sheesh.

8:13pm — Ahhhh, so Seth ran away to Luke and his big gay Dad.  Now the whole Portland thing makes a lot more sense.

8:14pm — And Jimmy Cooper has a beard.  Well, if you can call it that.  Sort of patchy.

8:15pm — Why is Seth "digging in and holding his position"?  Is it just us, or is Seth starting off this year as ten times the whiny bitch he was at the beginning of last season?

8:20pm — You gotta drink to that slow-mo high five into the face-to-face with young Ryan shot.  Brilliant.

8:24pm — "Well you’ve got some willpower….she has a killer rack".

8:27pm — Yep, Seth is definitely at his all-time bitchiest.  How do all you girls dig this guy so much?

8:28pm — What’s the over-under on the Marissa DUI?

8:29pm — Is it just me, or did Marissa just wait a minute before hanging up?  Who does that?  Seriously.  (While slamming back a bottle of vodka straight, no less)

8:37pm — Oh man, this is going to be good.  Julie v. Marissa, poolside.

8:38pm — "You really wanna know what’s on my mind? Raaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"  Ahhahahahahahahaha!  Classic.

8:40pm — What the hell is Summer talking about?

8:41pm — Did Kirsten Cohen get HOTTER this summer?  And not in a creepy botox way either.  You can take your Summer and Marissa….give me Seth’s mom.

8:47pm — "There was lawn furniture in the pool."  The Newport Beach benchmark for when behavior gets out of hand.

8:53pm — Wait for it….wait for it….Seth is shaking, and, here he comes.

8:54pm — Closing with the in-no-way-surprising cheerful homecoming.  Is there any more tried and true recipe for TV drama?

8:57pm — Hey Fox, hit me up with the scenes from next week already.

8:59pm — Uh-oh, Houston, we’ve got a jealous poolboy on the horizon.  Be on alert.

low culture: Guys, isn’t it so awesome that you can ogle the chicks on the show even though they’re underage? It’s like an hour-long suspension of all known statutory rape laws. They’re so much younger than your wife or girlfriend, and it’s a lot safer than talking to girls in AOL chat-rooms or flirting with your daughter’s friends. And you can totally masturbate to it if you watch it in your den with the door closed.

Gawker: Crack-addled hipster ‘tards, your night has arrived: The O.C. season premiere hits Fox tonight at 8.

Jim Treacher: Seth raised his tousled black curls from the wet beach. "Where am I," he croaked, wiping sand from the adorable cleft in his chin. His cheeks were even narrower than usual due to weeks on the catamaran without food, accentuating his fine (if gruesomely sunburned) features.

Gothamist: There is nothing that Seth Cohen can’t make better. We’ve been in posession of a tape of the first 2 episodes of this season and haven’t watched it yet (because who owns a VCR anymore?!) so we’ll be watching this tonight (read: do not call us between the hours of 8 and 9.)

Well, OC day here at ToGawp is past the halfway mark, and no signs of slowing down.  Less than 5 hours on the East Coast, less than 8 on the West Coast until the big kickoff episode.  Can all of you crack-addled hipster ‘tards handle the wait much longer?

Here are the highlights to look forward to this afternoon on The O.C.’s ToGawp Takeover:

– Season 2 Drinking Game, Vol. 1 should be up by 4p.m. (pacific), so all the East Coasters can be ready to rock by 8p.m.

– The Main Event — we’ll be liveblogging through all the madness of the season premiere.  Don’t try to stop us.  Seriously….we’ve already survived one intervention.  What makes you think you’ll fare any better?

Missed some or all of the first season of The O.C.?   There isn’t much time to spare, but fortunately, we have you covered, with a sort of Cliffs Notes-style review of Season One, to get you ready for tonight’s action:

Obviously you know that The O.C. follows a pack of Newport Beach teens and their parents around in their often hideously spoiled existence.  You’ve got the three Newport natives–Seth, Marissa, and Summer–and the outsider, Ryan.  There was another, Luke, but he found out his dad was gay and slept with the mother of his ex-girlfriend (Marissa), and got a DUI, so he decided to go to Portland.  (Hey, it worked wonders for Rasheed Wallace.)  You also have some beautiful people (and Peter Gallagher’s eyebrows) playing Seth and Marissa’s parents.  Some others come and go, but this pretty much covers the krux of this dramatical conceit.

Last year, the show’s extended, 27-episode first season ended with Ryan was heading back to the 909 with Teresa, a.k.a. his baby’s Inland Empire-based momma; Seth was heading into open water on his catamaran, bringing along less luggage than the TV cast that famously took a 3-hour tour; Marissa was settling in to her new home at Caleb Nichol’s poor-man’s Aaron Spelling mansion and cozying up to a bottle of gin; and Summer was…..well, off being ditzy and hot all by her lonesome, with her boyfriend Seth out on the aforementioned 3-hour (or more) tour on his dingy.

So it’s safe to say that last year ended on quite the down-note. Then again, if you had the rollercoaster year that these kids had (the whole Inland Empire transplant, Marissa’s parents divorce, Luke’s dad’s gayness, Summer falling in love with a nerd, crazy-ass Oliver waving a gun around, Seth getting some, the whole gang seeing Rooney (yes, THE Rooney) live)….well, you were overdue for a slump of some sort.

This takes us up to tonight’s beginning episode.  Did we skip over a few details?  Probably.  But trust us, it’s not exactly densely-layered, complicated character drama here….you’ll be on your feet in no time.

Turns out, there’s no ‘Tony Hawk in The O.C.’ just yet, but someone did go out and make an O.C. skate game to play online, and if you don’t mind downloading it and installing it, it’s fairly radical.  Definitely a worthy way to kill some time while waiting for the season premiere…somehow making Seth fall on his ass just never gets old.

SKATE THE OC [Fox]

To help you make your decision, here are some visual aides.

So do you go for the sexy/smart Anna….

Or the sexy/sultry Summer?….

Is it too late to try for both?…

You’ve seen the evidence–now cast your vote…