{ togawp } – hollywood’s secret sauce

-Danielle’s accent rules. She’s crunk and Tyra is jealous. Besides, these Thai people can’t hear the difference anyway. “I feel like I’m gonne look up and see a sign that says Korea.” “I remember thinkin in my head Danielle yer trippin” “Shut yo mouth and say it ain’t so!”…priceless.

-I love this wierd ass animal-head fashion show. Giant Frog and Squirrel head lingerie show? They look like they’re made out of paper mache by 5th graders. Fuck you Jade, Jonie may not have a Victoria’s Secret body but at least she doesn’t have some fucked up Grandma Alien face like you, bitch!

-Oh Jade, you’re such an experienced pro at this whole modeling thing. If you’re such a veteran why are you 20-something and only getting started via a fake modeling reality show?! Undiscovered super model my ass, you’re undiscovered for a reason…cuz you UGLY!

-Nicole, (the winner from last cycle) looks like the female Gremlin from the feature film Gremlins 2: The New Batch. No wonder her ass ain’t workin.

-Jade, you’re a “soldier” holding those feelings inside. More like pretending you actually have a soul you heartless mantis! Nice warrior prayer. So just to recap we had that former constestant who was a Hurricane Katrina refugee and now Tyra sends all the models to Tsunami Town. We get it.

-Jay Manuel may know a good picture or pose when he sees it but he needs to get rid of his fake ass silver future man hair and take off that god aweful sarong. Here comes Nigel to save the day.

-This photoshoot in Tsunami water is good times. Sara looks like a gangly anorexic corpse that washed ashore on some rocks. She needs to be sent back to the mall she was found in. Go back to Judy’s or Millers Outpost or whatever and get outta my face. By the way, when did Top Model start scouting and recruiting people? I thought you had to make a wacky video and send it in like everyone else?! Whoever reviews those submission tapes has a great job and probably hates it.

-omg Tyra just taught us how to smile with our eyes! yay! Speaking of eyes, is it just me or is Jade cockeyed? I know Jay pointed out the fact that her eyes were all fucked up during that ice photo shoot and she got all defensive but seriously, they’re not ok. Her right eye is all wonkey, like borderline Shannon Doherty.

-Sidebar: Why are Tyra’s eyebrows suddenly gigantic? Looks like a couple of caterpillers are having a tea party on her 5-head.

-YAY DANIELLE IS SAVED! Her and Jade are the only reasons this cycle is any good. Bye Sara! Have fun going back to your mall. Maybe Forever 21 is hiring.