{ togawp } – hollywood’s secret sauce

I guess the new thing in Hollywood is, “If you don’t like your face, replace.”

I’m not really sure if Ashlee Simpson is desperately trying to look more like her sister, Jessica Simpson or Drew Barrymore. Ashlee got some new lips to go with her new nose. Maybe Dr. 90210 was giving a two-for-one special. Free collagen with every tummy tuck or rhinoplasty.

Now here is Ashlee ‘ala natural.

True, she was no raging beauty but by conventional means, she was definitely a cute girl. And I don’t know, call me crazy but I find that sometimes the quirks about someone are what makes them appealing. I’ve never been kissing on no fake lips and I’m really not sure that I would want to. It just seems too…weird.

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Ashlee Simpson was caught drunk as a skunk and behaving like the southern trailer drawl that she really is. Check it out, according to eyewitness reports this is what went down:

· After several loud complaints from Simpson about the service, an
irritated employee says, “I need a manager up front, please!” Ashlee
then begins to climb over the sacred service counter (have you ever?), shouting, “Please get the manager, I would love to talk to the manager!”
· When the employee tells her to get down, Simpson says, “Bitch, stop talking to me! I’m nice!”
· Ashlee then engages employee in an ‘I know you are but what am
I’-style debate about whether or not the M.I.A. manager will “be nice”
to her. So certain is she of said manager’s impending kindness, she
offers to bet employee “5 million dollars that he will be nice” to her.
Employee, working at a Canadian McDonald’s and not having a #1 record
at the moment, passes.
· “No. I will not take a picture with you,” Simpson slurs to a fan. “You would not kiss my foot. So fuck you!”

Certainly makes us wanna laugh outloud, and we don’t even want to comment and take away from the humor that is – Ashlee Simpson.
Click here to see Ashlee Simpsons recent McDonalds "Fast Food Flip Out"
 

(more…)

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Lindsay Lohan may have finally found true love.  The lucky guy is Lingerie Bowl founder and "21st Century Hugh Hefner" (self-anointed, via press release) Mitch Mortaza (seen here with female guests at Bill Maher’s Birthday party).

The only problem is, Lindsay has to leave town, for her Herbie: Fully Loaded European press swing.   And after last week’s Page Six report (which we naturally can’t link to b/c of Page Six’s lunatic archival system) that Mitch was seen flirting with Ashlee Simpson, the talk around town is, L-Lo isn’t so sure she can trust Mr. Lingerie Bowl while she’s away.  So she’s done what any sensible girl does–she’s asked her girlfriends to keep an eye out for any Ashlee/Mitchee sightings around town.

But being the Lindsay Morgan Lohan that we know and love, she didn’t stop there.  No, according to exclusive Gawp sources,  she has gone as far as to contact L.A.’s big club promoters, to ask them to keep an eye out for Mortaza and Simpson at their clubs.   Meanwhile, Linds reportedly issued the ultimatum to Mortaza–any funny stuff, and she’ll fly back from her European junket faster than you can say "cockblock".

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Okay Ashlee Simpson haters, finally there is a place for you to cast your vote to ban this atrocity from our national airwaves. Website StopAshlee.com has created an official online petition allowing anyone with internet access the ablity to help stop the insanity of Ashlee performing in public. Please, help clean up the airwaves, and help the FCC decide to not allow another Simpson family member from crapping up the airwaves and our lives.

We here at toGawp commend these efforts, and hope we all can one day live a Simpson Sister/Father free existence.

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For those of you who didn’t manage to stay up until 12:50am last night to witness Ashlee Simpson’s second performance on Saturday Night Live, you missed one of the major meltdowns of the year. 

After playing her pop hit "Pieces of Me" as her first song of the show (which was ably hosted by Jude Law), in customary SNL style, she came back out for a second performance around 12:45am.  Law introduces, Ashlee, her band starts playing, and….they were playing the same song.

Ashlee, the calm, cool performer she is, danced around like a drooling moron for about a minute, before fleeing the stage in a hurry.  Meanwhile, her band, in a tremendously apropos statement about pop music, continued to play the same song they played in their first performance of the night. 

You can watch the video and try to determine what happened for yourself, but in our mind, the real story is all too obvious–the tracking beacon in Ashlee’s hand started beeping, her time was up, and she ran like Logan.

Ashlee Simpson stinks it up on SNL [via CollegeHumor.com]

UPDATE: Now her dad blames it on her acid reflux. 

Disgusting?  Definitely.  Adding embarrassment to his daughter’s already embarrassing experience, and trying to quell the one undeniable element of the story–his daughter lip syncs.  DUH! 

But Joe’s just angling for those Prevacid commercials for his baby girl.  Isn’t he a super dad?

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